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Mental Training for Skydiving and Life
Team Communication
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Who you are
shouts so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.
Ralph Waldo
Emerson
A team is only as good as each member’s ability to communicate effectively.
Poor verbal communication on the ground will translate to poor non-verbal
communication in the air. A team without good communication skills may do well
for a while but generally won’t sustain any consistent level of performance
over time. As challenges arise and personalities clash, as they do in every
team, inadequate communication skills will be sorely manifested in weak problem
solving abilities. As pressure mounts, team members will avoid situations that
need attention and will attempt to remedy difficult problems with a quick fix
whenever possible. They’ll bypass important issues rather than working through
them, eventually accumulating a string of unfinished situations, resentments,
bruised egos, etc. They’ll become problem-focused rather than
solution-oriented. Before long they’ll be competing against each other rather
than against their opponents. Trust will vanish; anger, disgust, and fatigue
will set in; goals will become blurred; gossip will increase along with blaming
and complaining; members will start finding excuses to miss training; everybody
will begin wishing they were on a different team, and the thrill of competition
will vanish. Does this sound familiar?
The ongoing practice of open and honest communication is essential for
any team that aspires to quality and longevity. Simply making an agreement to
be candid with one another is nice, but has no value whatsoever in the long
run. Teams often make plans in their formative stages that are never
implemented once training begins. The bottom line is that good intentions
are meaningless unless they’re translated into solid and committed practice.
In this regard there are a few simple rules to follow:
Every team needs two types of meetings – Business
and Communication;
These meetings are an integral part of training;
they are held separately and at regularly scheduled times;
Once scheduled, meetings take priority over jumping.
It’s okay to change the day or time of a meeting for logistical reasons or to
accommodate weather conditions, but it’s not okay to eliminate a meeting
(especially a Communication Meeting) in order to fit in more jumps. That
sacrifices quality for quantity and ultimately undermines team integrity.
BUSINESS MEETINGS
As the name implies, these meetings are designed to discuss and decide
logistical and business issues. Although disagreement and heated debate are
bound to occur at times, this is not a forum to vent feelings and work through
relationship problems with other teammates. As much as possible, the
content is factual and concrete, while the process involves brainstorming and
the general sharing of information. Many teams designate the team captain as
the leader of this meeting while others prefer a system of rotating leadership
or, on occasion, no leadership at all. Depending on your needs and preferences,
all three methods work. Pick one, try it, and be flexible enough to change if
it’s not working for you.
COMMUNICATION MEETINGS
The Art of Sharing
Feelings and emotions are a fundamental part of team dynamics and need
to be expressed in a healthy constructive manner. Otherwise, they accumulate
and eventually interfere with functioning and performance. Communication
Meetings are designed to allow members to share their feelings regarding team
issues as well as relationships with teammates.
While there are a variety of meeting formats to
accomplish this, one of the simplest and most often used is called “Pass the
Rock”. It is an object (a rock if you wish) that is held by a team member who
has something to say. While holding this object, the
teammate has
the floor to express what’s on his or her mind, without interruption. When
finished, the object is passed to the next speaker. Another format is called “Round
Robin”. This involves going around the room in consecutive order from one
person to the next, speaking one at a time, in turn. In both formats the
meeting ends only when all have had a chance to fully speak what’s on their
minds.
Because these meetings are sometimes emotionally
charged, it’s important that everyone be in complete agreement with both the
format and structure at the outset. Generally, active leadership is not
necessary as the structure itself provides the control and direction. Regardless
of what format you use, the golden rule is that no one gets interrupted
while sharing. If this rule is broken, anyone can momentarily stop the
meeting and remind members of their agreement to listen while others speak.
It’s important to note that these meetings are not
an excuse to be verbally abusive and “dump” on a
teammate,
although it is okay to articulate powerful emotions. The short-term goal is to
communicate with fairness and authenticity in order to release pent-up
feelings, resolve conflicts, and permit sharing among team members. The
long-term goal is cohesion and reinforcement of team relationships.
The Art of Listening
Communication is an exchange. Real listening, as
compared to just hearing, requires open-mindedness, willingness, and undivided
attention. This is no small thing; in fact, it’s probably the most difficult
and strenuous aspect of communication. The freedom to share – to fully express
yourself and speak your mind – must be matched by a commitment on the part of
the listener to be totally engaged with you in the present moment. Otherwise,
why bother opening up? Why risk being vulnerable with an audience that seems
disinterested or uncaring?
When your teammates are sharing at a
Communication Meeting, it doesn’t matter if you’re tired, angry, or don’t
particularly like who they are or what they’re saying. At this meeting your
responsibility is to rise to the occasion and listen deeply and attentively,
regardless of how you may feel. I can’t stress this enough. All members of the
team need to leave this meeting knowing that they were heard by their teammates,
knowing that each of their teammates respected them enough to
carefully listen to what they were saying. This is a huge responsibility.
Listening must be as genuine as possible. It’s not
about pretending to listen; it’s about being open to new ideas and discovering
the value in what someone is saying, regardless of your opinion. It’s about
paying attention to the message, even if you don’t like the messenger. It’s about putting you in someone else’s position in an effort to
understand them, and not rejecting what they say before they’ve even said it. Yes, it can be
extraordinarily difficult to listen with openness to someone you’re annoyed
with or disagree with, but when you joined the team, you accepted this
responsibility. Besides, when it’s your turn to share, it’s exactly what you’ll
want from your teammates.
Accentuate the Positives
A common oversight at Communication Meetings is the
tendency to focus solely on the discharge of negative feelings and completely
bypass the sharing of positive ones. This causes teams to “live in the problem
and not the solution” and overlook what’s working and focus exclusively on
what’s not. The result is often a team that’s off balance and insecure.
The full expression of positive along with negative
emotions is essential to build and maintain trust and fellowship. If the
positives go unexpressed, a priceless opportunity to empower the team and
immeasurably strengthen it is lost. While it may be important to tell your teammates
how much they annoy you on occasion, it’s equally important to communicate how
much you appreciate them and why. It’s important to be very clear in sharing
what you see as their strengths – the gifts they bring to the team – and to be
specific about how they’ve added to your growth and development or how their
input has enriched your life personally. It’s essential that this sharing
occur at a formalized team meeting and not just in casual conversation.
I’ve seen some people initially recoil at the notion
of saying warm, positive things out loud in front of others. They find it
embarrassing and would prefer not to do it at all, or at least do it in
private. But my experience has also shown that this discomfort evaporates immediately
once the sharing begins. And the reason is obvious.
It feels good to be appreciated by your peers for
your skill, hard work, and growth, and to be publicly acknowledged for your
contribution to a team effort. It also feels good to express gratitude and
appreciation to your teammates, and to let them know how their unique talents and
abilities have made a difference for you. This is fellowship at its best and
should be encouraged whenever possible. It fortifies a team from the inside out
and fosters confidence and a healthy interdependence. It’s one of the unique
opportunities that only teamwork can provide.
SOME ADDITIONAL SUGGESTIONS
Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable
When things don’t go your way, allow yourself to
experience the disappointment without overreacting to the situation or
suppressing your feelings. Be aware of your discomfort and how it impacts your
thinking and physiology. Notice what part of your body feels tense, and listen
carefully to the dialogue you’re having in your head. At least for a few
moments, don’t judge anything and don’t change anything. Just observe your
reactions.
Practice your listening skills anywhere/anytime you
can
Whenever you can, at home, at work, or on the drop
zone, make yourself sit quietly and listen to what someone is
saying. Resist the urge to interrupt or jump in with your opinion. Temporarily
see life from his or her perspective and try to fully understand that point of
view. Take a good look at yourself through these eyes and notice what you see.
How receptive do you appear to be? Do you look like someone who’s really
listening or someone who’s “shut down” and just waiting for a pause in the
conversation so you can jump in with your opinion? Given an option, would you
want to have this conversation with you?
You don’t have to attend every argument you’re
invited to
Instead, play the “It’s All My Fault Game”. Make a
decision that the next time you get into an argument you’re going to pretend
that you’re the one who’s wrong. Then silently ask yourself, “What can I do to
resolve this conflict”? This takes an enormous amount of resolve and internal
strength to accomplish. When we argue, most of us get very attached to the
notion of being “right” and forcefully resist giving up any ground. Such an attitude
on our part tends to increase resistance in our adversary, limit our own
awareness, and prevent us from finding solutions to the problem. Both sides are
preoccupied with providing their “rightness” and genuine listening grinds to a
halt. The result is a lose/lose situation. It’s only when someone becomes
willing to “soften” their position that the possibility of a win/win situation
is created. It’s really up to you.
Practice being vulnerable and let others help
Let your teammates see your weaknesses. Put
your pride and ego aside, welcome constructive criticism, and give others the
opportunity to help you improve at something. It’s a good feeling when someone
asks us for help. We feel trusted and appreciated. Let your teammates
have that good feeling. I promise they’ll give it back.
Extend yourself to someone who annoys you
You don’t have to become best friends – just allow
yourself to get a little bit closer and notice what you see. Often we get
annoyed with people because we see in them what we don’t like in ourselves.
They become unpleasant reminders of what we’re trying to avoid. Other times we
get annoyed because we’re convinced that our way of doing something is the best
and only way to do it. It’s inconceivable that someone else might have an equally
good idea. Sometimes we get annoyed because we’re just plain grouchy,
impatient, or defiant in that moment. We’re not about to give anybody any
slack. Whatever the case, tolerating and accepting what you dislike
can only strengthen you mentally and emotionally. So if for no other reason, do
it for that one.
Only complain to someone who can do something about
your complaint
The next time you catch yourself complaining, stop. Ask
yourself if the person you’re talking to can really help resolve your problem.
If not, then stop complaining immediately because you’re just wasting your time
and energy. In fact, you’re actually keeping yourself stuck in the problem by
playing victim. Instead, see a big red STOP sign in your mind and either end
the conversation completely or change it to something productive.
It’s okay to share a problem with someone and
brainstorm about possible solutions, but complaining is a dead end. (And we all
know the difference.)
Resist the urge to gossip
Actually, gossip is a form of complaining. It’s me telling you something unfavorable about them
that is none of my business to begin with. It’s a two-way interaction that requires two
participants. Even if all I’m doing is listening to someone
gossip or complain, I’m cooperating fully because without me there would be no
conversation.
Complaining and gossiping are deadly viruses that
ultimately destroy what teams work so hard to build. The results are disastrous.
Before long, problems get sidestepped instead of resolved and cliques begin to
form within teams. People start whispering and talking behind closed doors
about issues that should be addressed openly at team meetings. Members start
planning covert strategies and “ganging up” on one another.
Avoid this behaviour at all cost. If you see it
happening on your team, redirect the behaviour to a Communication Meeting. None
of us is infallible, and we’re all guilty of gossiping and complaining. But if
we agree as a team to monitor each other and ourselves, then we have the
opportunity to eliminate these problems before they
eliminate our
team.
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ă 2000 – John J. DeRosalia – All Rights Reserved
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